Now, you may be thinking, ''Shakespeare is already in english." But I am talking about 21st century english. I don't read Shakespeare, and wasn't quite sure I knew what was going on, but this is what I got out of the first part of Much Ado About Nothing-
Leon. I got this letter today that says Don Pedro from Aragon is gonna be in Messina, like, tonight.
Messenger. Yeah, he was really close when I left him.
Leon. How many people have you lost doing this?
Mess. Like practically none.
Leon. Winning is so much better when the whole army comes back. I hear that Don Pedro has favored a guy named Claudio...
Mess. The kid deserved it, dude, and Don Pedro always favored him. He's really mature for his age, and gone way beyond the expectations.
Leon. His uncle lives here. I bet he'll be proud.
Mess. I emailed him, and he was super psyched.
Leon. Whoa, did he cry?
Mess. Yeah, a lot.
Leon. Well, men who are in touch with their emotions are better off than the other ones.
Beatrice. Can I ask you a question? Is Signoir Montanto back from the war yet or not?
Mess. I don't know who you're talking about.
Leon. Yeah, who are you talking about?
Hero. She's talking about Signoir Benedick from Padua.
Mess. Oh, him. He's back, and doing great!
Beat. He put out advertisements and now my uncles [fool] and cupid have this crazy bet... but I mean, how many people did he murder? I swear I'll eat them all!
Leon. Calm down, you tax Benedick too much, you guys will get even soon enough.
Mess. Yeah, he is a great soldier.
Beat. You had bad food, and he had help eating it. He's got a good apetite, and a strong stomach.
Mess. Like I said.
Beat. A good soldier to you, but what about to a lord?
Mess. All the same. He had great morals.
Beat. That's true, but we're all human.
Leon. Don't get her wrong, dude, she and Benedick have a thing, even though they've never met, and they argure light-heartedly about certain subjects.
Beat. Oh, he doesn't get it! Last time we talked, he lost his mind, and now he doesn't have enough sense for anything! They send a new aid every month.
Mess. Is that even possible?!
Beat. Oh yeah, totally. His faith changes constantly.
And that is how far I got before I was so rudely interrupted. Let me know if you beg to differ on any of these lines.
-KJ
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